Updated: Apr 8
I've been wanting to clear my email accounts (I have about 7, actively using 2-3). Since we're quarantined, I have the time to do things I think about but don't necessarily get around to.
I finally sat down to de-clutter my email inbox! This particular account has over 4,500 unread emails. Too much. I started scrolling down, looking at each e-mail, selecting a few at a time in some places. After about 5 pages of doing this, my eyes started hurting. This is one of the reasons I don't like corporate type jobs. Sitting, staring at a screen consistently makes my eyes hurt. I don't even keep the screen bright on my cell phone. I got up, grabbed a mango from the fridge and started making a fruit plate. I figured I'd be at the computer a while. As I continued plating different fruits, I realized I'm deleting emails for a reason. If I haven't looked at any of the emails in all this time, why am I being so picky about what I delete? Nope! That ain't how I'm 'bout to do this.
When I sat back down to my laptop I grabbed my phone. I turned on one of my Baila Raggaeton mixes, popped a piece of dragon fruit in my mouth and looked back at the laptop. Thinking. What makes sense. To start, if it was music, I had to make sure it was saved somewhere. Can't just go around deleting good music accidentally. If it was something I sent to myself, I HAD to open it and see what it was. I write stuff down. All the time. I just don't necessarily remember how or where. I have stuff written on post it notes, journals, the back of mail envelopes, reminders on my phone, notepad and of course, emails to myself.
Once I got to a certain date, I was rocking and rolling. I watched my inbox slowly dwindle. When I got my unread emails under 100, I felt SO GOOD!!!! It may sound crazy but I felt amazing! It was cleaned out. Cleaned out! My email account, I open numerous times a day and feel I'm trudging through mud to scroll through my emails daily, was now clutter free! It felt like I'd just gotten a glimpse of all my workouts and eating paying off in the mirror! I was happy! I felt lighter! Freer! I cleared out old stuff to make room for new stuff! It all started with fear.
My fear, the pen. When I write. I manifest. I thought about old stuff I'd written. It wasn't all good. I grabbed a box of some of my old writings and went through them. I cringed reading some things. Other writings had tons of emotions running through me as I went right back to the memory that led me to write what I was reading. It felt amazing! I kept those. When I'd gone through all my old writings, journals included, I had a pile on either side of me on the floor. I just sat there. I felt...progressed. I got up off the floor to get a grocery store bag for what I needed to throw away. I grabbed a paper shopping bag instead. All that negativity, anger, pain, it needed to be obliterated. I felt the feelings I needed to feel, I processed through all the emotions. I needed to let it all go in a permanent way for me. I was gonna take a nice hike and burn that shit.