Decluttering

I've been wanting to clear my email accounts (I have about 7, actively using 2-3).  Since we're quarantined, I have the time to do things I think about but don't necessarily get around to.

   I finally sat down to de-clutter my email inbox!  This particular account has over 4,500 unread emails.  Too much.  I started scrolling down, looking at each e-mail, selecting a few at a time in some places.  After about 5 pages of doing this, my eyes started hurting.  This is one of the reasons I don't like corporate type jobs.  Sitting, staring at a screen consistently makes my eyes hurt.  I don't even keep the screen bright on my cell phone.  I got up, grabbed a mango from the fridge and started making a fruit plate.  I figured I'd be at the computer a while.  As I continued plating different fruits, I realized I'm deleting emails for a reason.  If I haven't looked at any of the emails in all this time, why am I being so picky about what I delete?  Nope!  That ain't how I'm 'bout to do this.  

When I sat back down to my laptop I grabbed my phone.  I turned on one of my Baila Raggaeton mixes, popped a piece of dragon fruit in my mouth and looked back at the laptop.  Thinking.  What makes sense.  To start, if it was music, I had to make sure it was saved somewhere.  Can't just go around deleting good music accidentally.  If it was something I sent to myself, I HAD to open it and see what it was.  I write stuff down.  All the time.  I just don't necessarily remember how or where.  I have stuff written on post it notes, journals, the back of mail envelopes, reminders on my phone, notepad and of course, emails to myself.  

Once I got to a certain date, I was rocking and rolling.  I watched my inbox slowly dwindle.  When I got my unread emails under 100, I felt SO GOOD!!!!  It may sound crazy but I felt amazing!  It was cleaned out.  Cleaned out!  My email account, I open numerous times a day and feel I'm trudging through mud to scroll through my emails daily, was now clutter free!   It felt like I'd just gotten a glimpse of all my workouts and eating paying off in the mirror!  I was happy!  I felt lighter!  Freer!  I cleared out old stuff to make room for new stuff!  It all started with fear.

My fear, the pen.  When I write.  I manifest.  I thought about old stuff I'd written.  It wasn't all good.  I grabbed a box of some of my old writings and went through them.  I cringed reading some things. Other writings had tons of emotions running through me as I went right back to the memory that led me to write what I was reading.  It felt amazing!  I kept those.  When I'd gone through all my old writings, journals included, I had a pile on either side of me on the floor.  I just sat there.  I felt...progressed.  I got up off the floor to get a grocery store bag for what I needed to throw away.  I grabbed a paper shopping bag instead.  All that negativity, anger, pain, it needed to be obliterated.  I felt the feelings I needed to feel, I processed through all the emotions.  I needed to let it all go in a permanent way for me.  I was gonna take a nice hike and burn that shit.

#decluttering #deleting #declaring